Those Bloody Wizards on Fleet Street
by Elsyra
Summary: Harry is feeling lonesome after a doctor's appointment gone wrong. He asks Draco to watch a the muggle movie Sweeney Todd and a whole lot of chaos ensues! T-rated for cursing and amazing bloody ish  violence. This will be a two-shot. Drarry. EWE.
1. Chapter 1

Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday AB, Happy birthday to you!

Harry and Draco say happy birthday, dear! I couldn't get Jamie for you since kidnapping is illegal here, so I guess this'll have to do. Here is part one of your birthday crack fic – I hope you enjoy it!

A/N for the rest of my readers: I hope you enjoy this too! There are a lot of other shows and movies brought up, since this is for AB, so some of the references may not be easy to understand. Please R&R because every author needs some love! You review mine and I'll review one of yours.

* * *

><p>Dappling sunlight shone through the window into Arthur Weasley's muggle object workshop, dancing on each of his experiments as if it laughed at the oddities. Harry and Draco, having become as close as Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's own sons, had both chipped in to buy Arthur this getaway spot underneath the Burrow as a retirement gift. Despite Molly's slight disapproval, she let him keep it—as long as her husband promised not to work on anything that would get him in trouble. He had kept his word, surprisingly, so far.<p>

Harry stood quietly in the doorway, smiling as he admired Arthur's work. In the corner was a dissembled grandfather clock, and next to it lay some barely-touched electronic children's toys. The brunette chuckled, wondering what plans were in store for it. His eyes flickered towards the brand new telly, which stood in front of the plush resting couch he'd bought in case Arthur fell asleep working. Arthur had just got it the night before and ran right downstairs to watch muggle movies, to his family's amusement. Luckily, he probably hadn't had time to experiment with it.

An emerald gaze fixed itself on the box, so strange-looking in a wizard's house. He hadn't been allowed to watch it as a kid, always taken up by Dudley. And he wasn't allowed to watch it when the Dursleys left either, because they would have known he changed the channel.

A wider grin fixed itself on Harry's face when he remembered how Draco had responded upon hearing that memory. "My didn't you just write down the channel they had it on before they left and turn it back before they got home? C'mon, Potter – I know you aren't a Slytherin, but I didn't think you were stupid, even as a kid." This resulted in an argument with Hermione to defend Harry's level of intelligence, but Harry had been too embarrassed to join in.

One movie in particular caught Harry's eye as he looked at the telly on its coffee table. On the cover was a strange-looking man holding up an old-fashioned barber's razor. Harry recalled seeing the movie once, a very good but sad musical called _Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street_. Something sank in Harry's chest; he had no one to watch the movie with. Both Ron and Hermione had gone on vacation to France and Draco was still on his tour of the world, so Harry was pretty much alone at work. On top of that, he was house-sitting for Arthur and Molly while they planned and put things together for Percy and George's double wedding to Audrey and Angelina respectively.

To put it plainly, Harry Potter was very, _very _bored… until a certain someone Apparated just beyond the Burrow's boundaries, asking permission to enter.

"Draco!" Harry gave an excited cry from the doorway, lifting the enchantments to let his friend in. "I didn't think you'd be back so soon…" He embraced his friend warmly and sighed, "But I'm glad, nonetheless. "

The blonde gave Harry a grin and returned the hug happily. "I'm only back for a few days, while my guide resupplies and we both get some rest. So, how are you? Your last letter didn't sound so cheerful."

"Right… Um, I went to St. Mungo's for my annual check-up and they said my shots were out of date, so-"

"What's a shot?"

"I mean illness prevention potions, Draco. Anyway, they mixed up mine with another wizard's medication so I've been on an emotional rollercoaster ride for the last three days. I swear, Dray, it's like one minute I'm on top of the world and the next, I'm so depressed I want to cry. It's like they fed a ton me estrogen when I was sleeping!"

Draco made a noise of sympathy and clapped Harry on the back, not questioning why his friend was hugging him so tightly. "Did you ask your healers about the symptoms? I can Apparate you to St. Mungo's, if you need me t—"

"No, they said these are normal side effects while the potion flushes itself out of my system. It's just that they injected it so it flowed to every part of my body, so it'll take a few more days. Please ignore me if I do anything weird."

"Like, er, acting—really—needy?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah."

"Um, like you are right now?" Harry was practically clinging to his friend, not having let him go since they first hugged. "_Can't—breathe, Harry!_"

"Oh. Sorry."

Chuckling at his potion-influenced friend as he untangled his arms from around a small waist, Draco said, "it's fine. Is there anything at all I can do to help?"

Harry thought for a moment before his lips curled up into a devious, Slytherin-worthy grin.

"If you _really _wanted to help…" Harry put on his best puppy face "…you _could _watch a muggle movie with me."

"What have I gotten myself into?" Draco sighed.

"Andmaybecuddle."

"Hey, I heard that! But I think once you're out of your drug-induced stupor, you might regret doing such a thing," Draco warned. Never mind that he didn't say anything about regretting such actions himself. "But sure, I'll watch a 'movie' with you. Whatever that is."

"YAY!" Harry clung to Draco in another bone-crushing hug, then dragged him into the Arthur's workshop.

"This better be good," the blonde grumbled. "Who stars in it?"

Harry scratched his head. "You won't know who I'm talking about, since they're muggles, but this hot guy named Johnny Depp plays the lead."

"I do _read_, you know." Harry mock-cringed at the icy grey glare meant to shoot lasers. "Besides, these muggles seem to be obsessed with this Johnny Depp character – it's kind of hard not to notice. He is quite attractive, isn't he? I read he's in this funny pirate movie with—"

"OH MY GODS, PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN!"

"You sure they didn't inject you with a whole bag of sugar crack?"

"I have no idea exactly what medication it was that they mixed up with mine," Harry said calmly, turning a 180 on his previous behavior. "As I said before, feel free to ignore that." He met Draco's grin with a half-smirk, wishing he was feeling normal enough to talk about something else bothering him—_without_ making a fool of himself. "So… the great Draco Malfoy reads up on muggle television, huh?"

"Shut it," Draco coughed. "How about we get this over with already?" He received a pout and smirked back, sitting nonchalantly on the Mrs. Weasley's homemade duvet. But there were things he simply could not ignore. Harry bending over to put the movie in the DVD player, for instance. Or that the raven stuffed the telly's manual into his already snug pocket and sat a bit closer to his friend than usual.

As the movie appeared on the screen, Draco became captivated by the muggle object. The dark orchestral music creeped him out, earning some laughter from Harry. That soon stopped with a swift elbow to the ribs. "Seriously, what is this? Someone's funeral?"

"Multiple people's actually," Harry announced in a sing-song voice. Draco rolled his eyes, chalking up the strange answer to potion side effects. On the screen appeared a wide-eyed man starting to sing. "Merlin, that boy's eyes look like they're going to bug out," Draco muttered. "And why is he _singing?_"

"This is called a musical, Draco. It means they sing in pretty much every scene."

"Please promise me _you _won't start singing along."

"Nah, I'll leave that to Jamie Campbell Bower. You've got to admit, he's got a pretty good voice. I'm sure I've actually seen him before… Yeah—he was dating Ginny for a few months before he figured out what a pain in the arse she is. Hey, he kind of looks like some pictures of young Grindelwald I saw when Hermione and I went to Godric's Hallow. Do you think he's gay?"

"The actor? Nah, He'd probably like my friend Aurora B. Maybe I should set them up." Draco considered the sailor for a moment, then the crazed-looking man next to him, and he shuddered. "Now, _Grindelwald_ was definitely gay for Dumbledore, but I don't think even he would be _that _desperate. It would take a year's worth of my special hair mouse to fix that excuse for a mop of hair."

"Shove off!" Harry cried indignantly, whacking his friend with a red and gold couch cushion.

"I meant the _barber _guy, you git!" Draco hit back with a fuzzy, purple, unicorn-shaped pillow "—I swear it's either Mrs. Wealsey's or Ginny's! Your hair—" Playful whack! "—looks more like you've—" Whack! "—just been shagged. _His_ looks like a family of rats—" WHACK-WHACK! "—crawled into it and died! Big difference."

"Hey, what's this?" Harry picked up an offending object his foot had hit and examined it. "Oh, there's the remote control."

"The whozit-what?"

"It changes the telly. You don't have to use it all the time, but it makes changing the channel easier since you don't have to keep reaching over to the buttons. Um, what are you doing?"

Draco ignored Harry and pressed the buttons until he found a small, out-of-place green one with no label. ""I'm 'changing the channel.' Hey, what does this do?"

"You can't do that while a movie's on, you git," Harry snorted. "And I don't know wha—"

"I wish I could change this movie so it weren't so depressing," Draco whined, pressing the green button, then an extra ten times for good measure.

"DRACO MALFOY, IF YOU BREAK THE TELLY THAT MOLLY JUST BOUGHT FOR ARUTHUR'S BIRTHDAY, SO HELP ME I'LL—"

Said television started to tremble, then full-on quake with magic. Neither Harry nor Draco could movie, eyes fixed on the unmoving screen until a flash of light erupted in the Burrow and they saw no more.

* * *

><p>As his eyes fluttered open, Draco felt as though his head had been hit by a reductor curse several hundred times. The sea's salty scent hit his nose in an aching wave as water slapped the old ship's side harshly. <em>Wait… ship?<em>

Consciousness flowed into Draco instantly; he scrambled to his feet and looked down, rubbing his eyes in vain. This was no dream. He stood, in his own body, on an old-fashioned ship at sea. _These clothes are ridiculous—seriously, who wears this? They've been out of fashion for about a hundred years. Wait, why do I care! I'm on a bloody ship in the middle of nowhere!_ _And where's Harry? …Oh, no…_

"Harry?" he called out in a groggy voice as he looked around. The incredibly hot Gryffindor was nowhere to be found. A miniscule amount of relief came to Draco; at least now he wouldn't have to pretend he wasn't infatuated. It was so hard to be in the other man's presence without giving anything away. But if he did, their friendship would most likely be over in a heartbeat. Draco vowed never tolet that happen.

The only person in sight, however, _did _look familiar. In close up view, Sweeney Todd made Draco cringe. His frown could rival Voldemort's and his black eyes fixed on land ahead. "Is everything alright, Mr. Todd?" he found himself asking. Something instinctively told Draco what to do, not to panic.

"Forgive me, Antony. My mind is far from me, see." He proceeded to sing a sad tale of a barber, his beautiful wife and their daughter. Draco was both curious and sad to find out what happened after a lusting judge chased the woman and locked up her husband. He followed Mr. Todd off the ship as it docked in London, still entranced by the song.

"And the lady, sir—did she succumb?"

"Oh, that was many years ago. I doubt if anyone would know…" The man left Draco alone then, thanking him for something and saying they might meet again someday. At last, Draco brought out of his reverie to consider the trouble he had gotten himself into. _I must be _inside_ the movie! _That made the most sense of all possibilities, since Mr. Todd sang a lot, called him by the Antony character's name, and they were both in this dreary place. _Wait—that boy was singing about London…_

"_This _is _London!_" Draco gawked at the scene around him. It looked filthy and disturbing, more like something from a horror tale than a beloved capital.

A man selling half-rotted apples as gross as his own teeth gave Draco a smile he would rather not have seen. "I know. Ain't she a beaut'?"

To keep himself from gagging, he returned the smile nervously and hurried along far behind Mr. Todd. _Perhaps he can lead me to Harry! _Being the Slytherin he was, Draco easily made sure other man didn't even suspect he was being followed.

Unease prickled in Draco's stomach as he listened to Mr. Todd singing with fuming hatred. They stopped in front of a drab-looking shop where Aunt Bellatrix was pounding some sort of dough with a rolling pin.

Bellatrix.

"YOU!" Draco squealed like a madman and hid behind the shop next door. Gathering his dignity, he stood back up and brushed his clothes off despite the fact that his knees were shaking. Malfoys don't squeal in public. "She's dead," he whispered. "I saw it myself. That bitch is _dead!_"

Yet, Bellatrix stood in the flesh, _baking _nonetheless. And her hair looked as bad if not worse than Mr. Todd's. Gasping when she saw the wild-eyed man and she, too, began to… sing. Very fast.

"Wait! What's yer rush? What's yer hurry?  
>You gave me such a-Fright. I thought you was a ghost.<br>Sit! Sit ye down! Sit!  
>All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks.<br>Did you come here for a pie, sir?  
>Do forgive me if my head's a little vague-Ugh! What is that?<br>But you'd think we had the plague-  
>From the way that people-keep avoiding-no you don't!<br>Heaven knows I try, sir!  
>But there's no one comes in even to inhale<br>Right you are, sir. would you like a drop of ale?  
>Mind you, I can't hardly blame them<br>These are probably the worst pies in London…"

"Of course they're the worst if _you're _making them," Draco scoffed. "They've probably got arsenic in them or something." He shook his head and desperately hoped no one else he knew would be in this wretched musical-world.

"…I know why nobody cares to take them  
>I should know, I make them. But good? No,<br>The worst pies in London-  
>Even that's polite, the worst pies in London-<br>If you doubt it take a bite… Is that just, disgusting?  
>You have to concede it.<br>It's nothing but crusting-  
>Here drink this, you'll need it…"<p>

Creepy as Mr. Todd was, Draco pitied him for having to eat such a nauseating piece of garbage. "Don't do it!" he hissed, expecting to see the man drop dead the minute he swallowed. Surprisingly, Mr. Todd did not die, though he looked he would rather do so than try another bite of the "pie."

"…The worst pies in London  
>And no wonder with the price of meat, what it is, when you get it.<br>Never thought I'd live to see the day men'd think it was a treat  
>Finding poor animals, wot are dying in the street.<br>Mr. Mooney has a pie shop,  
>Does his business, but I notice something weird-<br>Lately, all his neighbors' cats have disappeared.  
>Have to hand it to him-Wot a coarse enterprise, popping pusses into pies."<p>

"Yeah, he probably ate them, considering he was a werewolf," Draco muttered. Guilt surged through him, a reminder of the missing Harry. He had been so torn up over Lupin's death after the war. Comforting Harry through that dark time was one of the reasons they had become friends. While Draco was happy about his father's more than deserved imprisonment, the shroud of death had bothered him as well. He would never forget the dying faces he had witnessed: Professor Burbage, Vincent Crabbe, and so many others.

_Thank Merlin I never had to kill anyone. Still, I'm lucky Harry ever agreed to be my friend after what I did. _Draco listened to the rest of the song in a melancholy mood.

"Wouldn't do in my shop-just the thought of it's enough to make you sick.  
>And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick.<br>No denying times is hard, sir-even harder than the worst pies in London.  
>Only lard and nothing more-is that just revolting?<br>All greasy and gritty, it looks like it's molting, and tastes like—  
>Well, pity I work all alone, with limited wind… And the worst pies in London!<br>Ah sir, times is hard. Times is hard!"

At the end of the song, Mr. Todd followed Bellatrix upstairs and Draco followed quietly. _She could have kidnapped Harry and kept him up there! Maybe she force-fed him the meat pie and it had some kind of potion that trapped him… _Ascending the stairs, he reached into his pocket and found there was no wand for defense. _Damn! I must've left it on the couch. If she recognizes me, I'll just improvise. If Harry is there, I have to rescue him! _For a moment, he fancied the idea of Harry giving him a kiss of gratitude._ Right. The only gratitude I'll get from Harry_ _is a hex while he tells me he could have saved himself._

Rolling his eyes, Draco crept closer to Mr. Todd and spied on them. Luckily, they sang too loud not to hear. The sad tale of the barber's wife was brought unfolded to reveal Todd as Benjamin Barker, making Draco pity him even more. _I hope he does get revenge on that rotten judge. No wonder the man looks like he's been zapped by one curse too many._

For some reason, Bellatrix sounded to her nephew like she actually _fancied _this barber bloke. And she hadn't done any magic at all, which made Draco wonder if she was the real Bellatrix. Mr. Todd also referred to her as "Mrs. Lovett," but that did not prove whether or not she was, in fact, Draco's mental aunt.

Harry was nowhere in the shop or the flat above, so staying would do Draco no good. He made a mental note to remember where it was in case he needed Mr. Todd's assistance and headed off into London. Searching for a good hour still brought no Harry and not panicking started to become a lot harder. To top that, his stomach was rumbling and he had no idea how to use the tiny bit of muggle money in his sailor suit's pocket.

What Draco wouldn't have done for one of the Bethlehem Confetti Café's chicken pesto sandwiches. The adorable little town was one of Draco's favourite during his time in America. _Merlin's beard, I forgot about the trip! If I'm stuck inside this movie too long, I'll miss my plane on Wednesday!_ _I've got to find Harry. He's seen this movie, so maybe he'll know how we can get out…_ _Then again, my love isn't the brightest wand in the shop._" He sighed and continued to wander along, trying not to look like a tourist.

At last, more upscale houses appeared, making Draco feel a bit more comfortable. He looked up at their windows and felt at home like he did in his wide, open flat back in the real London. Glimpsing a pair of gleaming green eyes made him do a double take.

_Is that… Harry?_

* * *

><p><em>Why the bloody hell am I wearing a dress!<em>

This was Harry's first thought as he awoke in a large, beautifully-furnished room, sitting in a chair next to a cage full of birds. _This is Oh, Harry's room in the movie, but—how…? _Something beneath Harry was bothering him, so he reached behind and felt the telly manual hitting him. Hastily, he flipped through the guide, praying to Merlin there were directions to get out of this—whatever it was. The fact that Draco wasn't there made him uneasy as well. Had his friend gotten stuck in here, too?

Suddenly, something inside of Harry made him feel calmer. He had a sudden urge to put down the booklet, gaze up at the little birds, and sing with them. Even if everyone outside of the thin glass could hear his embarrassing voice.

So he did. And his voice was the most beautiful thing Draco had ever heard.

"Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird,  
>How is it you sing?<br>How can you jubilate, sitting in cages, never taking wing?  
>Outside the sky waits, beckoning, beckoning,<br>Just beyond the bars.

How can you remain—staring at the rain,  
>Maddened by the stars?"<p>

Had Draco not clutched the nearest lamp post for support, he would have fainted. He had dreamt of seeing this ever since he secretly watche a muggle show called Sherlock. The slash there was unberable-you didn't even need photoshop to see what the main characters were doing every Friday night. Switch a few things around, mostly hair coloring and taste in clothes and there you had it: Harry and Draco.

Harry, _singing_ in a dress. Harry, singing in a _dress_. _Harry_, singing in a bloody blue dress! It was as if every fantasy of Draco's mind was coming together—now all he needed were those strawberries and whipped cream…

"How is it you sing—anything?  
>How is it you sing?<br>Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird,  
>How is it you sing?<p>

My cage has many rooms, damask and dark.  
>Nothing there sings, not even my lark.<br>Larks never will, you know,  
>When they're captive.<br>Teach me to be more adaptive.  
>Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird,<br>Teach me how to sing.  
>If I cannot fly… Let me sing…"<p>

_That was... interesting. Now to get out of this bloody dress! _Harry hadn't seen the movie for a while, but he remembered Johanna having pants somewhere. He stared down the giagantic dresser to let it know this was one serious showdown. _I _will_ find them, dresser. And you can't hide them from me. _Even though he didn't have his wand either, Harry had not even considered using magic. This was personal; Harry Potter may like musicals, singing in the rain, and candle-light dinner dates, but he was still a grown _man_. The dress had to go.

Well after Harry's unaware performance, Draco still stood slack-jaw beneath the window. He was too shocked to say a word, to sing along like he wanted and tell Harry how he felt at last. Perhaps this fantasy world _was _just something his mind had cooked up to torture him. _Harry would never wear a dress, nor would he approve if I treated him like a girl and serenaded in this bloody musical thing_, Draco thought bitterly. But a small part of him still clung to hope.

"Why is he up there?" Draco whispered. A ragged beggar woman interrupted his thoughts, signing a plea for alms in a somewhat familiar voice. Draco sighed and handed her a bit of the muggle money from his pocket. "Could you tell me who lives in that house, ma'am?"

"Oh… That's the great judge Turpin's house, that is." She cringed away at the name, worrying

"And the beauty that resides there?"

"That's 'Lily,' as 'e calls him, his pretty little ward. Keeps 'im snug, 'e does, all locked up. So don't you go tresspassin' around there, or it's a good whippin' for ya or any other young man with mischief on his mind!" Greedily, she tucked the money away and wandered off to continue begging.

Draco's blood went cold. He stared up at Harry, who was softly stroking the feathers of each bird in the guilded cage. That little piece of hope inside parted Draco's lips and began to form a song.

"I feel you, oh, Harry, I feel you.  
>I was half convinced I'd waken,<br>Satisfied enough to dream you.  
>Happily I was mistaken, oh, Harry.<br>I'll steal you, Oh, Harry,  
>I'll steal you.<br>I'll steal you, Oh, Harry,  
>I'll steal you.<br>Do they think that walls could hide you?  
>Even now, I'm at your window.<br>I am in the dark beside you,  
>Buried sweetly in your raven hair!<br>I feel you, Oh, Harry,  
>And one day I'll steal you!<br>Til I'm with you then,  
>I'm with you there,<br>Sweetly buried in your raven hair!"

Soon after, Draco saw Harry come back to the window and turn his head and look down at the street below.

He could have sworn, for one spilt second, there was a grin brighter than the sun on Harry's face.

To be continued…

* * *

><p>I'll peal you banana<p>

I'll peel you.

I'll steal you banana, I'll steal you.

Does the monkey think it can hide you?

Even now, I'm at your fruit bowl.

I am in the bowl beside you.

Buried sweetly in your yellow peel.

3 LMFAO. no life.

~ Some random Youtube person named cookie wrote this and got 413 thumbs up. I just thought it would make the Sweeney fans laugh. ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

Yay, AB! For a second time, we celebrate your birthday –because you arejust that awesome, seriously. Thank you for being one of the most creative, charismatic, and caring friends ever. And may you, Amazingly L, Ilovegnomes, and I remain besties throughout our lives. ^_^ By the way, it's a good thing you like needy, estrogen-y Harry. I hope you don't mind his slight OC-ness.

Warning: TOTAL RANDOMNESS.

And just in case anyone was wondering whether or not I own any part of Harry Potter, which means said people are out of their minds, no, I don't. And if I did, Drarry wouldn't be just in fanfics.

And now, without further ado…

Fangirls and fic writers!  
>May I have your attention please?<br>Do you wake every morning in sighs of despair  
>To discover the lack of Drarry in the air?<br>Wot ought to be there?  
>Well, fangirls and fic writers,<br>From now on you can waken with ease.  
>You need never again have a worry or care,<br>I will show you a fanfiction marvelous rare,  
>Fic readers, you are about to see something wot rose<br>To be read!  
>Right below this fic's head.<p>

Enjoy! ^_^

* * *

><p>A soft rapping on Harry's – <em>Johanna's <em>door made the boy jump in surprise. His auror reflexes kicked into survival mode and at once he assumed a calm position. But Harry just about fell over when saw a face he thought he would never see again staring down at him. "…Severas?"

Some warm, true smile never seen before on the face of Severas Snape lit up the older man's face. "There – that wasn't so hard, was it? I told you that last-name formalities are far too coarse now."

Harry's eyes narrowed, not at what he had said or how he said it —not even the fact that he was supposed to be _dead_— but at Severas' _head_. _He cut it and it's grey but not greasy! _"Your hair," Harry blurted out incredulously.

Severas gave slightly strained laugh as a small frown fixed itself upon his face. "My dear boy, you are so ignorant; it's quite endearing."

_Don't freak out. _Don't _freak out! _Harry told himself his auror mantra several times, however nearly impossible it was given his current situation. "Er, thank you…"

Black eyes flowed across Harry's attire, then at the blue dress lying on Johanna's duvet. "You are unsatisfied with the new gown? It was specially tailored for you; I think it suits you. But perhaps we can order something else—something more age-appropriate. The neckline simply will not do."

"There's nothing wrong with the dress," Harry said uneasily. _None of this makes sense! Why is Severas here? Why is he being _nice _to me? What's with his hair? And why the bloody hell did he buy me a _dress! _…He's right, though. The neckline is simply preposterous. _He resolved to keep quiet, hunt down information, and contact Draco so he could do the same.

"My dear child, it means the world to me that you should have whatever you desire. Please let me know if you need anything—anything at all. Supper is ready; I have come to escort you downstairs."

"May I have a moment, sir? This shirt is a bit uncomfortable… I think I should get changed."

"Of course," Severas said, smiling again as he left the room.

There was something important, something Harry was forgetting and it ate at his mind so long as he couldn't put a finger on it. He found a piece of paper and scrawled a message to Draco, tying it to a small knick-knack on Johanna's dresser. Opening the window, he waved to the blond Slytherin and tossed it down. He could not help but admire the grace and ease with which Draco caught it.

"Better change this shirt, then," Harry mumbled. "Note to self: tell Johanna to get a new wardrobe if I ever meet her." He found the least frilly shirt to put on and headed out into the hall where Severas was waiting for him.

Two things bothered Harry most as he followed the man to dinner: one, Severas now seemed very tense and silent once he exited the bedroom.

And why had he almost wrote "Love, Harry" on the letter to Draco?

He hoped it was just the potion talking.

Severas held out a chair for his ward to sit down in the dining room, which seemed very secluded and dimly-lit to Harry. "I have an important matter to attend to, my dear, but I'll be back shortly. Please don't fret in my absence."

Harry snorted as soon as the graying man was out of earshot. "Yeah, right."

* * *

><p>Draco,<p>

I think we're stuck inside this movie for now. Are you able to Apparate at all? I haven't had the chance to try yet and my wand is back at the Burrow. For all I know, the manor I'm in could have Appartion wards, so I'm going to hold off on trying.

Er, I don't know how to write this any way without making you freak out, but… Your dead godfather lives in this mansion and apparently he thinks I live here. And his hair looks weird. And he invited me to dinner. And he bought me a _dress. _I know you were probably laughing at me when you saw that horrible thing, so shut it. I am _not _a girl.

I don't know how things are going with you, but can you try your best to gather information? You know that man from the very beginning of the movie, Sweeney Todd? I think we're supposed to meet him again somewhere in the movie, since he's the main character. Maybe if you find him, we can figure out how to get back home. I'm going to try to get out of here without being noticed. In the case that I can't get out right away, I'm going to work on making something so you can send replies up to me. For now, I think it's best to just go along with whatever happens. Good luck. I hope to see you soon, my friend.

~Harry

Draco read the note, feeling a bit more at ease now that he had contact with Harry. Severas being alive hadn't shock him too much, considering his insane aunt's appearance. Going back to Bellatrix's meat pie shop, however, was not an idea he fancied.

The first thing Draco thought of when Severas' opened the door to his manor was, _wow, Harry's right. His hair _does _look odd. _

"You—boy, come here. What are you up to?" Severas said, his usual off smile in place.

"Huh? I'm, er—traveling."

"Come inside."

"Oh. Okay." Draco followed his godfather inside to a nice lounge with many books. He sat down on an elegant loveseat and was about to ask about Harry when Severas started to speak.

"What did you say you were again? A traveler? Well, a traveler must be practiced in the ways of the world. Would you say you are _practiced _in the ways of the world, my boy?"

"I—suppose…"

"Oh yes... such practices. The Geishas of Japan, the concubines of Siam, the catamites of Greece, the harlots of India. I have them all here, drawings of them. Everything you've ever dreamed of doing with a woman. Would you like to see?"

_ This has got to be the most awkward conversation I've ever had with my godfather. Is he trying to give me "the talk"? Oh Merlin, no!_ "I think there's been some mistake," Draco said, swallowing hard.

" I think not. You gandered at my ward, my Lily. You gandered at her. YES, sir, you gandered!"

Draco blinked at his angry godfather in confusion before realizing he meant—Harry… Severas stood up looking as if he would hit him. "I-I meant no harm!" he found himself pleading.

"Your meaning is immaterial. Mark me! If I see your face again on this street, you'll rue the day you were born!"

A pair of rough hands dragged Draco outside as he was too confused to fight them off. He briefly saw the face of Peter Pettigrew pulling from his person a metal beating cane. _It's the rat who sold out Harry's parents! And why is this place crawling with Death Eaters! _Draco wanted more than anything to beat the living daylights out of the man, but that might do Draco no good. What if they were holding Harry prisoner and hurt him? But why would Severas do this?

Draco's inner magic bubbled up to the surface as protection against Pettigrew's stinging whips. He felt nothing except the bleeding cut on his lip from biting down too hard in shock. The rat said something, then, "next time, it'll be your pretty little brains" before Draco was freed. He walked purposefully along the side of the manor, looking up at the windows for a sign of Harry anywhere. The green-eyed man was nowhere to be found. A sudden feeling of longing welled up in Draco's chest that unexpectedly came out in song:

"Do they think that walls could hide you?  
>Even now, I'm at your window.<br>I am in the dark beside you,  
>Buried sweetly in your raven hair!"<p>

"Why the hell am I singing?" Draco shook his head and sighed, running down the street to see if he could find Mr. Todd again. _Of course, Harry probably doesn't remember the end of the movie, since he didn't really know what to do, _he thought with a huff.

Half an hour later, a crowd of people started gathering in what looked like a very worn-down marketplace. Draco decided to follow the others; perhaps Mr. Todd would be among them, as well as cover from Bellatrix.

A tall "Italian" man had set up a showy barber stall in the middle that people seemed to be flocking to. Draco shook his head in disgust while he observed the falsity of the display. _His accent is obviously fake; anyone who has any real knowledge of Italy would be able to tell. Plus he doesn't move his hands enough, but when he does, it's fake. And that mustache – it belongs on a walrus! Poor kid, his assistant. It looks like he's been treated down-right horrible. _

Seeing the boy, Toby, forced into cruel service by the "barber" made Draco just about livid. It reminded him of what Harry had gone through and he didn't like it one bit. The show went on as the boy sang, trying to sell a concocted hair elixir to the crowd, and Draco was beyond fed up. He was about to shout his outrage and Apparate away with the child to somewhere safe when none other than Sweeney Todd voiced his opinion in song. He even challenged the man to a shaving contest!

_I would so much rather be watching Glee during a singing competition than this, _Draco thought as he adjusted his watch. _Good thing Harry doesn't need to know about my American TV show habits. I hope Todd beats him too – the git deserves it._

Then, Mr. Todd asked some man to be the contest's judge. Draco cringed upon seeing Peter Pettigrew walk past him onto the display. What others may not have seen during the contest, Draco did. Todd didn't like Pettigrew at all. Sneaking over to listen in, the Slytherin discovered the strange barber's true motive: to get the judge he was talking about to come to his shop. And he had a feeling this judge character was in for more than a shave. _Good for Todd. The blighter deserves it._

Draco gathered as much news as he could over the next few days, mainly following Sweeney Todd and Bellatrix to figure out what role they played in this movie. He reported back to Harry, who had made a small contraption to send letters back and forth between them.

"I can't Apparate out of here for some reason," Harry's letter said, "Pettigrew keeps saying Severas' last name is Turpin and when I tried to kill Pettigrew, neither of them were surprised or angry. It's like it never happened. Try to follow them and see what they're up to."

"I will." Draco wrote back. "Nice new gown by the way. How long before you take this one off?" Harry now wore a coral pink gown he had been forced into by the maids, who thought him darling. He swore when he looked in the mirror; if he was a woman, he would have been most indecently exposed.

"Shut up and get me out of here! I'm surrounded by maids and locked doors with no wand or weapons – I can't even get into the kitchen for a bloody knife!"

The same beggar woman Draco asked about Harry told him where Severas and Pettigrew would walk in the afternoon. Draco positioned himself in a nearby alleyway to listen in on their plans.

"I have news for you, my friend," Severas told Pettigrew. "In order to shield him from the evils of this world, I have decided to marry my lovely Lily."  
>"Oh, sir, happy news indeed!"<br>"Strange, though. When I offered myself to him, he showed a certain—reluctance."  
>Draco stifled a gasp, listening in closer. <em>Why the hell would he try to marry Harry! And in what universe would he think Harry would ever <em>want _to marry him!_

"Excuse me, my lord  
>May I request, my lord<br>Permission, my lord, to speak?  
>Forgive me if I suggest, my lord<br>You're looking less than your best, my lord  
>There's powder upon your vest, my lord<br>And stubble upon your cheek…  
>And Lads like him, sir, are weak"<p>

Severas' beady eyes fixed themselves upon his clothes self-consciously. "Stubble, you say? …Perhaps I am a little over-hasty in the mornings."

"Fret not though, my lord  
>I know a place, my lord<br>A barber, my lord, of skill  
>Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord<br>Some odor cologne to brace, my lord  
>And musk to enhance the chase, my lord<br>You'll dazzle the boy until…"

Severas looked at his servant suspiciously. "Until?"

"He bows to your every will," Pettigrew sang.

It took all the will Draco possessed not to puke right then and there. He could listen no longer. That vile bugger planned to defile _his _Harry! Draco Malfoy was not about to let that happen._ And _no one _calls _my _Harry 'weak!'_ _Harry said we'd have to meet up with Todd again. I guess I don't have any choice._

For once, Draco ran into action without thinking. His focus solely concentrated on saving Harry. He burst into Mr. Todd's shop with all the pleading he could muster into his voice. "Mr. Todd, you have to help me! My friend is locked up in this madman's house – please, you have to help me get him out. I'll do anything, I—"

What happened next was all very unclear. Draco could make out some of the shouting and that Severas was enraged. He stormed out of the shop and Todd rounded on Draco, throwing him out as well.

_Great. This is what I get for going with Harry's usual plan. Yet, somehow, it always works for _him! Draco sighed and walked away from another one of Sweeney Todd's angry singing rants.  
>"That's it!" Draco declared, walking once again straight up to the manor Harry was held captive in. "This is personal!" He was about to burst inside and rescue Harry however he could when a carriage pulled up and Harry's captor dragged him outside in chains.<p>

Draco's blood boiled in his veins, unleashing an inner magic he had never felt before. "Screw whatever happens in this bloody movie!" He punched Harry's captor in the jaw and ran after the carriage, jumping onto the back as it rounded the corner. The road became bumpier within a few minutes, so Draco used the noisy periods to clamber on top of the carriage. Once it came to a stop, he on leapt top of the driver and threw him from the seat.

"_THAT'S_ FOR KIDNAPPING _MY _HARRY, B*TCH!"

The bucking horses were released from the carriage at once, racing off to what Draco hoped would be somewhere far better than this mad place. He climbed out and opened the carriage door to find his shocked Harry trying to unravel the last of his chains. "Draco, look out!"

They ducked barely in time as a whip cracked above their heads. Draco grabbed Harry out of the carriage, feet still bound, and used his other chains to trip the driver. Then, carrying his love bridal style, he ran like hell.

"Put me down, Malfoy! I'm not a helpless imp, you git." Harry struggled out of Draco's arms, undoing the last of the chains around his feet. "_Don't _try to help." They were on a large bridge, no people around to see the metal fall into a thrashing river below. "I didn't ask to be put in that dress. And I am _not _a girl!"

"You looked like a Disney princess!" Draco snorted, secretly thinking of how pretty Harry happened to look in said gown. "And your favourite color and—"

Harry's curiosity overcame any possible annoyance. "How do you know about Disney princesses?"

"The travel tour. American muggle thing," Draco muttered offhandedly. He held in his relief when the other man shrugged it off. _Thank Merlin he's so thick and I'm so good at lying. _"Hey, what's that noise?"

Harry jumped, as did his shirt. He smiled and pulled from it tiny, white kitten. "This is Jasper. The lunatic gave him to me when he proposed. I think I'll keep him; the poor thing has no life here anyway."

"Thank you for letting me out," the cat mewed. "It was rather stuffy in that carriage."

Draco groaned. "Just what we need – a talking rat."

"Hey!" Jasper scratched Draco's arm and jumped back inside of Harry's shirt. "I'll be back out when you get some manners."

"Shove off, Draco," Harry agreed. "Jasper is so cute! Be thankful he's not a ferret, okay." Harry snickered at the murderous look on his friend's face. "Now to more important things. I've read the manual for the telly a million times, can even quote it. Arthur did mess with the movie player, but—"

Draco rolled his eyes. "There's a surprise. So, what do we do now?"

"Well, the telly didn't do exactly as he intended. He wrote its new function: 'This other-worldly invention will tingle the senses; whatever your heart truly desires will happen in the show or movie of your choice. Just ask to change what you wish, press a button, and you can shape your own new story.' It wasn't meant to make us characters in the movie, I don't think. The only thing I can think of to do now is ask Mr. Todd for help."

"Perfect!" Draco exclaimed, rolling his eyes as sarcasm dripped from his velvet voice. "Just perfect. Why don't we just go try to book Mika for a private concert. And why don't we add Celtic Thunder, while we're at it? I'm sure they all have _loads _of time to spare." He caught himself and added, "Like Bellatrix won't turn us to dust the moment she figures out you're here!"

Molly Weasley's signature motherly glare could have been rivaled by the stance Harry took, complete with hands on his hips. "Draco Lucius Malfoy, if you don't spit out right now how you know all about all these muggle musicians, there _will _be consequences."

"What are you going to do? Put me in a dress?" Draco put up a defensive wall, not willing to reveal his secret so easily.

Too distracted by the positively flirtatious smirk on his friend's face, Draco didn't notice something had gone missing until it was too late. "Trust me, I can do _much_ worse than that." Harry held over the water, in triumph, Draco's favourite rose pendant. "Spill it or the trinket goes."

Jasper poked his fuzzy head out and suggested, "I could always eat it."

Draco's pale face went positively tomato red. "Alright, alright—don't throw it or feed it to that _thing_! I need that. I-I'll tell! He ran a hand through his hair in disbelief that Harry bloody Potter had tricked him. _It's all because of his demonic, enrapturing, terrible, wonderful, rotten, no-good, devilish good looks! That evil incubus, drawing me in like that, _he grumbled inwardly. "Promise you won't tell?"

Pretending to examine his nails, Harry growled playfully, "that depends. I'm sure Blaise and Pansy would love to hear whatever you're about to say. And maybe your mother and—"

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL MY MOTHER, POTTER!"

"Tell me the truth —the _whole _truth—and your pin thing may be spared."

"It's called a _pendant. _Vintage, pure gold with precious gems. And you're supposed to be a Gryffindor," Draco muttered. "Fine. When I went to muggle America, I discovered this thing called a 'computer.' It was an accident, I swear! I was in a library and I asked my friend Aurora how to use it. She showed me all these muggles videos and movies, like BBC. They have these shows called Robin Hood and Sherlock and, Merlin, they're amazing. Oh, Harry, I just couldn't help it… they were addictive! Like eating pepper imps, or—treacle tart, for you. I couldn't stop. They have all this music and this thing called 'email,' which is even faster than owling someone. It's a wonder I didn't stay glued to the screen forever. So, that's how I came to know so many things about muggles, except that damn TV thing." He gave his best pout, but Harry kept looking at him as if searching for something. "What? That's it! There you have it. Now give me back my pendant!"

"I don't know what, but you're hiding something else. There's a reason you went researching that stuff, isn't there? Draco?" he said in a warning voice.

"No, that's it. Everything. Finite!"

"Now I _know _you're lying. Draco, did you honestly think I would tell? It's not a big deal." He stepped forward and opened the grey-eyed man's breast pocket, slipping the no-longer-hostage gold object inside. His lip began to quiver in spite of himself, the hint of begging in his voice he hoped wouldn't be recognized. "I just—I'd like it if you were honest with me, You can trust me, I promise."

A part of Draco still held back, but everything about this experience with Harry weakened its resolve. Harry had come far too close this time. _I'll be damned if I let him go without knowing whether or not he cares._ "It isn't you who I don't trust," Draco whispered, placing his hand on the small of Harry's back. He breathed in Harry's scent and stayed silent for a moment. "If this only lasts a moment before you slap cold, bitter sense back into me, it will be the happiest moment I've ever had."

Harry's questioning was silenced by a pair of soft, pink lips meeting his own. Draco's arms wrapped around his love as they kissed in the dusk's dim light.

"Ew," Jasper commented, wrinkling his little pink nose. "I'm being squished by faeries."

"Go back in the pocket, Jasper, or no supper for you. Now, c'mon. Let's get the hell out of here."

* * *

><p>The next part of the movie consisted of Todd and Bellatrix singing about how every man they saw would be made into a meat pie. Harry and Draco watched, feeling very scared, and held onto one another for their lives.<p>

When the insanity ceased –at least in musical form—Draco coughed, rubbing his eyes as if it would negate what he and Harry had just seen. "That was…"

"Interesting."

"Quite."

They walked in silence along walls of the shop for a little while. Out of nowhere, Harry burst into roaring laughter until his gut felt like it would split. It wasn't his normal laughter, either, and it just plain _scared _Draco. There was hysteria and torment in the laugh that made his own stomach turn. "Harry…"

"I remember, Draco!" He was crying now, still laughing as tears streamed down his face and his voice sounded ragged. "I remember the basic, bloody ending!"

"That's great… What is it?"

Meanwhile, Jasper the kitten jumped out of Harry's shirt and shook his head. "Another one for the nuthouse, eh? They all go mental eventually. Humans"

_You're calling _my Harry _crazy when Todd and Bellatrix are making meat pies out of people? _Draco thought wryly. _I am _so _glad I don't live in this time or as one of you psychotic muggles. _He shooed the feline into the pie shop and bent over Harry, who had crumpled onto the pavement as he sobbed. "Hey," Draco soothed, stroking Harry's face, "you know you're still beautiful, even when you're like this, don't you?"

Harry laughed again, hollow and mixed with a hiccup. He looked away, moaning, "you _have _to say that because this is all a damn dream and it isn't fair. And none of this would've happened if I wasn't hormonal on drugs!"

"Listen to me, Harry. If anyone's dreaming right now, it's me. After all I've done to you, after I've been a right foul git, you've still accepted me. I could only dream that you would ever feel the same way as I do. Maybe the drugs are making you imagine that I'm likable and you'll regret ever kissing me once they wear off. I'm a bloody coward, Harry, you know that. You-you have all odds stacked against you, yet you face the world without looking back and make it look easy."

"Shut up!" Harry wailed, holding onto the Slytherin tightly. "The only way I'd regret kissing you is if it never really happened, so suck it up!" His voice was muffled by a shirt, but it was the most wonderful thing Draco had ever heard him say. _But why is he still crying…?_

"Harry… how does this movie end?"

"I-I don't remember the exact details, but… almost everybody dies at the end."

There was a pregnant pause until Draco said, "do you remember if our characters die?"

"I don't know," Harry cried, burying his face in his lover's neck. "But only a few people live, so there's a good chance. I have no idea what to do. Two years ago, everyone I loved seemed to be dying right before my eyes. I was ready to die for everybody I've ever loved. But now, if this is all real and I have you… I'm afraid, Draco. I've lost a lot. Losing you would break me."

"Shh…" Moonstone eyes looked down into emerald intently. "Maybe our 'death' in this movie means we'll wake up back in the burrow. This could be a dream we're sharing, for all we know. If it _is _real—you won't ever lose me, Harry."

The raven's brow furrowed. "But you would d—"

"Remember what you told me about the resurrection stone? You said the people you loved came out of it and showed they remain in your heart always. So, if you love me, I'll stay there forever, no matter what happens." Harry didn't say anything. He clutched on tighter to Draco and prayed they could always stay this close.

"Ahem," a voice mewed from the doorway. "Haven't you both got something to do besides cuddle."

"No. Go away," Draco whined at Jasper, only to receive a glare.

For the next few days, Draco and Harry watched in horror as Bellatrix and Todd set up the meat pie shop as a killing machine. The first person to bring up how everything seemed like a blur was Draco.

"It's how the movie's time works, I think. Or we could just be doing the time warp again."

"You love Rocky Horror, too!"

Jasper buried his head in his paws to hide from yet another round of snogging.

"I can't help but feel a little bad for Todd, you know. Having his wife and daughter stolen from him."

"So that's why we haven't stopped him from killing people?"

Draco shrugged. "Like you said, we probably just did the time warp again."

"I think you have to sing the next song with Sweeney Todd in the movie. It's about Johanna—his daughter, I mean." Draco smirked and held Harry's hand.

"I feel you, oh Harry, I feel you  
>Do they think that walls can hide you?<br>Even now I'm at your window  
>I am in the dark beside you<br>Buried sweetly in your raven hair  
>Oh Harry…"<p>

Harry smiled and stroked Draco's face. "You made up your own version just for me?"

"I couldn't help it. You just looked so pretty up in the window."

"_Handsome_," Jasper corrected, flicking his tail at them both.

"Whatever."

Sweeney Todd began to sing, then, and Harry looked on "And are you beautiful and pale  
>With yellow hair—like her?<br>I'd want you beautiful and pale  
>The way I've dreamed you were, Johanna!"<p>

"Oh Harry!"

Sweeney Todd: And if you're beautiful what then  
>With yellow hair—like wheat<br>I think we shall not meet again  
>My little dove, my sweet Johanna!<p>

"I'll steal you, oh Harry…"

" Good-bye, Johanna!  
>You're gone and yet you're mine<br>I'm fine, Johanna, I'm fine"

"Oh Harry…"

"And if I never hear your voice  
>My turtledove, my dear<br>I still have reason to rejoice  
>The way ahead is clear, Johanna!"<p>

"I feel you, oh Harry"

"And in the darkness  
>When I'm blind with what I can't forget<br>It's always morning in my mind  
>My little lamb, my pet, Johanna!<br>You stay, Johanna, the way I've dreamed you are!  
>Oh look, Johanna! A star!"<p>

"Buried sweetly in your raven hair"

"A shooting star!"

"And though I'll think of you, I guess  
>Until the day I die—I think I miss you less and less<p>

As every day goes by, Johanna!

"Oh, Harry!"

"And you'd be beautiful and pale and look too much like her  
>If only angels could prevail, we'd be the way we were, Johanna!"<p>

"I feel you, oh Harry"

"Wake up, Johanna! Another bright red day!  
>We learn, Johanna, to say…<p>

Goodbye!"

"I'll steal you!"

Harry nuzzled into his love's chest petting Jasper while all three of them fell asleep against the pie shop wall. The sound of the Beadle's murder, Judge Turpin entering the barber shop to look for "Lily," his own death, and the falling blood of almost everyone but themselves was deaf to Draco and Harry's ears. Only Toby stayed awake long enough to see a flash of light enveloping both men as he escaped the cellar.

"Hey, little guy," Toby whispered, picking up the small kitten left behind. "Looks like it's jus' you and me now." Jasper approved of his new owner's guts and silently curled up in the boy's arms.

* * *

><p>"Rise and shine, sleepyheads! Who's up for a spot of breakfast?"<p>

Harry woke abruptly at the sound of Mrs. Weasley's voice. "Molly! It's Molly, Draco, we're back!"

"Whaah—?" Draco gurgled, lifting his head off of Harry's. "That was some dream. Must've—dozed off…" He mentally braced himself for the tidal wave of emotion crashing down. Harry would have no idea what happened. And he was still hopped up on drugs.

"Back? Did you fall asleep Apparating? Oh, Draco, dear! So nice to see you! C'mon, Ronnikins just sent us a postcard and Georgie has come over for breakfast with Angelina.

Draco sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, only to remind himself of the dream.

"Sweeney Todd, huh?" Arthur looked at the DVD case approvingly. "Good musical. Looks like there two probably slept through the ending. Ooh, Molly, I forgot to tell you! I added a new program to allow people to change the story in movies and shows. Wouldn't that be a 'hit' as they say on the muggle market? We should try it sometime."

"Wait, _what!_" Draco stood up, his eyes snapping open. He stared at Harry, who had a lazy smile on his face. Do-do you remember…?"

"Remember what? Where did Jasper go? If you did something to him, Draco, you owe me a new cat. He was right here in my shirt…"

Molly laughed at her husband and surrogate sons. "I think you're all imagining things. Your eggs are going to get cold. C'mon, then."

"I have something very important to do first, Molly," Draco declared, pulling Harry to his feet. He swept his green-eyed man into a starry-eyed kiss, ignoring the chuckles around them.

"About time," Molly put in, taking Arthur's arm. "Let's go upstairs and leave the boys to it."

Eventually, maybe an hour or two later, Draco and Harry did make it to a cold breakfast. As Draco held a chair out for Harry, he failed to notice a certain pendant's whereabouts yet again.

"No, seriously, Draco—you owe me a new kitten."

^_^ ~Finite~ ^_^


End file.
